I agree whole heartedly to your reply, I lost my middle daughter in 1993 at the age of 8 years. It has been a long time but forever fresh in my mind. It has affected my other grown daughters, one 33 years old and the other 26. My relationship has been scarred with them, I love them dearly and will forever, I was not their for them for many years, I mean I was here but not in the composite a mother should be. I will forever have to live with this, I went to my 33 year old daughters for her 33rd Birthday and had such a revelation. As we sat at the kitchen table and I gave my daughter her Birthday card, My granddaughter Robyn asked me if I brought a gift for her mommy. I had put on the card a gift to follow in February, then Robyn proceeded to ask me if her mommy was adopted? I wanted to get up from the table and run away and cry my eyes out. It made me realise that this had to have been mentioned from her mother at some point. I went home and experienced extreme grief all over again, to realise just how much hurt my daughter Becky must be feeling. I cried for a week none stop, I think she really believes I love my other daughter so much more. I wish there was a book that teaches you how to deal with your surviving children. I love my children equally and will forever. I am so thankful for my girls, I just wish I had the right words to describe the pain I deal with on a constant basis. Wendy Boutiler! Thanks for the outlet! Conrad Falcone